Dear Mr. Doctor: Chapter Four

Subtitled “Twenty Questions.” Crossposted to A Teaspoon And An Open Mind.

“This isn’t what anyone at the spa said would happen,” said River, annoyed yet slightly flirty. As ever.

“Well, they didn’t know you were dealing with I, the indescribable, undefinable, enigmatic, mysterious, wonderful, odd…” said the Doctor, trying to seem as confident as before.

“Portentous, infamous, vile, eeeeeevil…” interrupted River.

“Hmmph,” sulked the Doctor.

“You know you just described your “undefinable” self.”

The Doctor laughed immaturely, but, just like in his last incarnation, the facade nearly slipped. The laugh came out sounding slightly sinister. “Can’t resist. Still, 20 Questions, yes? Question 1:”

“Am I an animal, vegetable, or mineral?” said River smoothly.

“Exactly. How did you guess?” The Doctor broke into a grin.

“Animal.” River didn’t smile.

“Oh good. I was hoping. Is your real name River Song?” The Doctor said this with an excited impatience.

“No.” She still didn’t smile.

“Now we’re getting somewhere. Does your name end with a -yard?” asked the Doctor, slightly wary.


“Oh goody. That’s a relief.” The Doctor tried to wipe the sweat off his forehead, but was blocked by the handcuffs.

“Are you a lady of sorts?”

“What might you be insinuating?” The smile started to creep back.

“Of time, of dreams, of…oi, of cheeseburgers, River…”

“Perhaps,” said River mysteriously.

“PERHAPS? There is no Perhaps button in 20 Questions!”

“I have a gun, Doctor,” River said sharply. She glared at him.

“Yes? Lots of people have guns,” said the Doctor without a single care.

“I have a gun, and I’m pointing it at you.” River edged closer to the Doctor’s chair.

“Blimey. No one’s ever done that before,” sighed the Doctor, rather unimpressed. He wished River was more creative in her evil tactics.

“I have a gun, I’m pointing it at you. Would. You. Like. Me. To. Shoot. It?” asked River, poking her gun directly at his nose.

“No, rather I would prefer you keep playing,” said the Doctor smoothly, while staring at the gun in front of his face.

“Then there is a perhaps button.”

“Perhaps there is. Technically, there is a maybe button, but not…”

“I also have my sonic screwdriver.”

“Mmmhmm…” mumbled the Doctor, pretending not to care.

“And I have your sonic screwdriver.”

“Yes you do!” said the Doctor with a mocking grin.

“And d’ya know, they’re actually the same one?” River matched his grin.


About queenofokay

I'm Isabelle. I'm in 9th grade and go to school at Oak Hill School in Oregon. I love books and food. (And Doctor Who!) I fan-fic as Space Gandalf on Teaspoon ( I also love branding website Brand New, and magazine Mental_Floss. Music - The Talking Heads, Phoenix, Bombay Bicycle Club, .

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