Dear Mr. Doctor: Chapter Three
Subtitled “Hello Sweetie”. Crossposted to A Teaspoon And An Open Mind.
The Doctor’s head followed River as she paced across the room. Tears still dripped down his cheeks.
“Oh…well, that’s not very nice, while brilliant, preying on the most…emotionally insecure universe-saver of all…” the Doctor confessed in a choked voice.
“They didn’t have character development on Gallifrey, you see…”
“Would you please stop blaming every fault of yours on Gallifrey? That’s all I hear these days: “The sonic doesn’t work on wood because I only had Mechanics I at the Academy!” “We had to take Morals I, II, and III on Gallifrey, that’s why I can’t steal anything,” River snapped, her eyes trained on him.
“No. And before you ask, it means no…” said the Doctor, rebellion in his eyes. After a long, uncomfortable moment, he spoke again.
“So. I gather you didn’t get a facial.”
“Are you making a comment about my beauty?” said River, the hint of a smile on her lips.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” said the Doctor wearily.
“Actually, I did go to the spa.”
“Ah? You had me fooled.”
“Hey! I went to the spa, but it was the official spa for finders-out of imposters like you and conspiracy theorists.”
“Ahh,” said the Doctor, as if he completely understood.
“And where have the two lovebirds gone?”
“They’re the core of my plan.” River smiled like a long-time villain.
“Hah! You think you’re going to get me to stop “destroying worlds” or whatever you think I’m doing using Amy and Rory? I’d just as soon have separated the two if not for the fact that it was essential to my —” half-bluffed, half-confessed the Doctor. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, he said:
“Ah. I’m verifying your hypothesis, aren’t I…”
“You know, River,” said the Doctor in an overly friendly way,
“haven’t we had enough of this psychological torture stuff? After the Dream Lord. I think that once I start torturing myself, it’s time to stop this fad.”
“Without giving me a chance? I’m new at this, remember?”
“Nope, companions don’t get in on the torture game, except when they get tortured themselves.”
“I’m not a companion. I’m new at the evil game.”
“Well, that clears it up. Aren’t you going to get on with evil-ing now?” said the Doctor sarcastically.
“I told you I was new at this,” sighed River, looking surprisingly
“Yes, well, I just hope you don’t have the basic banal plan. What are you going to do, separate them? One in Alaska, the other on Mondas?” the Doctor almost yawned.
“No, rather my plan involves killing one…”
“Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. Not that I doubt your plan is… effective, but your first thought was killing? No theft, forced divorce, separation, baby-stealing came up?”
The Doctor was quietly outraged. Just like his last incarnation hadn’t been her Doctor, this wasn’t his River. But then again, he didn’t really know her at all, did he?
The Doctor swallowed. It was amazing how much she sounded like…well, like him.
“No. No, don’t do that.”
“Oh dear. A game, perhaps? 20 Questions.”