AMP(Action Movie Parody)Story #9
Warning: This movie is rated R for ridiculous.
“Hi, I’m John, and I’m a robber.”
“Nice to meet you, John. I’m Fred, and I’m a henchman.”
“I’m Bob, and I’m head of an evil corporation.”
“And I’m Sam, and I’m a baker.”
Sam was promptly kicked out of the Bad Guy’s Board Room. He tried to explain.
“But I put spears in the bread…”
“Nope!” Sam needed to go somewhere to assuage his sadness. So he went back to the bakery. His assistant/henchman was waiting.
“How’d you do?” she asked.
“Not good. I was laughed out of the meeting.”
“Why, you oughta vow to be the worst bad guy ever!”
“Eh,” he shrugged, “Okay.”
The movie starts with Tory (good guy) going to a bakery.
“Hello, Mr. Baker. I’d like to buy some bread.”
“And I’d like to be evil, but we can’t all get what we want.” said Sam in an austere voice.
“Okaay then…does that mean you’re out?”
“I’ll go to another bakery then!”
Tory runs out in the street.
“Not so fast!”
Sam’s henchman, in a van, runs into Tory. He keeps running – and runs into another car. Finally, he reaches the sidewalk, and (not being the most astute) runs into a building.
“Aaahh!” he screams while lying on the sidewalk. Sam pops up in front of him.
“What’s that? Did I, Sam the baker, make a grown man cry? I’ve always aspired to.”
“I believe you did! But now you have to try for the atrophy level.” his henchman says.
“All right! Bahahahahahahaha!”
“Excuse me, but I think that’s Mwahahahahahahahahaha.”
“Stop badgering me! You’re my henchman, not the other way around!”
“Okaaaay, I’m just gonna go now.” say Tory to himself. He starts slowly walking away. They don’t even notice. Finally, they stop fighting.
“Don’t worry, I took a course in ballistics in college.” the hench(wo)man says, as cool as a cold sore. She presses a big red button labeled “BOOM!” A rocket goes toward Tory. It’s slightly askew, though, so it only rips his left arm asunder. It’s…not pretty.
“Atrophy level!” Sam says and aims a high-five at his henchman, who doesn’t return it.
“Dude, I did all of it.” she says.
“Well, you are my henchman. You do all my work!”
“Um…I think the police are coming.”
“Decidedly not cool.” She presses another button, this one labled “FIRE”. The police car explodes.
“YAAAAAA!” Tory runs at them, albeit with one arm. Sam the baker is tackled, but his henchman drops a bomb and makes a speech.
“I quit! I never get the proper recognition! I’m going to the Bad Guy’s Board Room!” She starts to walk off, but Sam starts talking. She stops in her tracks, turns around, and sloooooowly puts on her official David Caruso glasses.
“You are certainly an atypical henchman. In case you didn’t know when you applied for the job, henchmen are supposed to do whatever I don’t want to do. Besides, who’ll make the…” BOOM!
“Fire-proof jumpsuit. Always comes in handy.” She says, as she drops the glasses in the dust.