This is the monologue (from a play i’ve written!) that I used in the school talent show.
-(Does a little bit where I move the paper around, writes something, scratches it out)
Why is it always so hard? The characters never come alive! Drama doesn’t work, and tragedy…(pfft)tragedy is simply a sappy puddle on the floor! It looks like I’m going to have to write… comedy.
-(goes back to write, writes something and goes up to the audience)
Can you read that? (waits for response) Well, I’ve got some horribly stereotypical characters: a badass (censored for fear of the kindergarten teachers who will say “Think of the children!”) tough, leather-wearing girl and a meek, mousey guy, sitting in a bar cafe.
-And then the girl says “Charliiiiieeee, CHARLIIIIIEEEE!” And the guy looks around. Then some other random guy says: “My name is Charlie!” The girl says “CHARLIE! Let’s go to candy mountain, CHARLIE!” Annnnd…they disappear together! (silence)
-That’s all I have written! (more silence)
-(goes back to desk) I knew I was using obscure youtube videos… Does anyone here know how to write comedy?
-(waits for response, if no response say: “It’s not a rhetorical question…” and wait) I think I hear something from the Other Side… I’m going to step towards it… I’m going to do it…(walks towards the stage) (abruptly jumps) No! I can’t do it! I can’t go into… The Audience Zone.
-(goes back to desk) (with a wink and a nod) Well, I guess comedy is about surprise, so I’ll just take some strange characters, put ’em in an odd situation, and we’ll be DONE! (starts to leave) Oh…and that, folks, is good comedy.