(The collective fan reaction to the episode.)

Oh my dear, dear giddy aunt. “Let’s Kill Hitler” is a mad, impossible, brilliant, heartbreaking, hilarious spoiler of an episode. As usual with Moffat, it’s flawed, but show-stopping. Spoilers under the cut – because, after all, “You’ve got a time machine. I’ve got a gun. What the hell! Let’s kill Hitler.”

Okay, bad news first…

Look familiar?

Er, Moffat? You’ve already killed the Doctor. Remember? Sure, this has different circumstances (poisoned from a kiss with poison from the Judas Tree? Nice touch, Moffat. Nice touch.) I’m starting to think this is some kind of anger management thing…

What did I ever do to you, Moffat?

Honestly, though, using character death as your main drama device is getting a bit old. It’s superbly acted, of course (and more about that later), but I’m getting tired. If this keeps happening, the show will have to be called “The Ponds”, (a dysfunctional family show, with the tagline “My Daughter Is A Psychopath!”)

The episode opens with a very clever crop circle bit, where the Ponds call the Doctor in an unconventional manner (directly copying one of their daughter’s lines, “You wouldn’t answer your phone.”). It’s certainly a brilliant – and unexpected – way to start the episode.

And here we have the new model, streamlined with a striking red color. Here it is beside a - a - ah, what is that anyway?

Soon enough, the troubled childhood friend of the Ponds – Mels – shows up. When she was released to the public, by the way, everyone thought “Hmm, “Mels” sounds an awful lot like “Melody.” Could it be…. nah, that’s impossible.” And here we are, tricked again by the Moffat brand of double psychology – something obvious is teased, the public thinks that Moffat is too tricky for that – then that exact obvious thing happens, with no twists or turns involved.

I'm Melody, baby.

It’s interesting to think of the options this opens up – particularly, finally the confirmation that regeneration can transcend race. Since regenerating into a different gender has already been confirmed this season, this means there really are a lot more choices for the next Doctor. Not that I really want to consider it yet, since 11 is magnificent.

D'aww.

The childhood versions of Amy, Rory, and Mels were all brilliant, little Rory being one of the most adorable things I’ve seen in a while. Amy thinking that Rory was gay was also pretty hilarious (and Rory’s look just before he runs off is perfect).  Now, of course, save a few quick lines (“The last time I did this, I came out a toddler!”), Melody growing up the same age as her parents is never explained. It’s very timey-wimey, classic Moffat, but right now it doesn’t really make much sense. We can only wait, I suppose…

Melody the Teenage Time Lord.

Mels herself was good, though she hardly got any time to shine. She did seem like River Song, but I’d be unhappy if she had actually replaced Alex Kingston as River. However, she seemed like an actual character instead of just a caricature, which is impressive for the few minutes she had on camera.

The story could have been set anywhere; it just happened to be set in WWII Germany. Hitler was quickly shoved in the cupboard and the one or two Nazi officers we did see were just scenery. Not that I really minded; the River Song antics more than made up for the complete lack of Hitler.

Ooh, look, I'm in a spaceship!

Look, a robot!

Look, lens flare!

This is totally sci-fi!

The justice robot seemed like it was a parody of something, but I don’t know what. Whatever it was, it was certainly trying to make the episode have more action and science fiction elements, but I’m not sure if it worked.

The new Daleks? Yeahh... no.

The adorable little deadly jellyfish were somewhat annoying. Of villains, they weren’t the best, even if they were for comedic effect.

But enough of me jabbering on about my pet peeves of the episode! What “Let’s Kill Hitler” was really about was the fabulous characters. River Song, in particular.

Oh, River, River, River.

This was her episode. She stole the show. She had her own little post-regeneration attack, checking all her body parts and jumping out windows and hitting on the Doctor even more than usual…

Naturally, she tried to kill the Doctor – with a banana -

Always bring a banana to a murder, River.

And later succeeded almost succeeded to kill the Doctor with a kiss.

Smoochie-smoochie time isn't so innocent anymore.

Then she terrorized a few Nazis, using her regeneration energies rather frivolously…

Yes, I am a psychopath. Why do you ask?

And… well… let’s just say that YES, MOFFAT, WE KNOW YOU DID AN ADULT SHOW.

Doctor Who: The only "kids show" that has one of the protagonists encourage others to strip at gunpoint.

She tried on a few outfits (in front of her robot mom, er?)

She nearly rolled her eyes in the corner when her dear old Doccy finally came back:

But she wasn’t rolling her eyes when the justice-bots put her through “hell”.

She was wonderfully terrified in a way that we really haven’t seen her yet, and I loved that.

Rule 7: Never run when you're scared.

And then – the moment where all the Doctor/River shippers squeed their very hardest (including me, dear readers) and where all the non-shippers averted their eyes (or possibly turned the TV off) – the slightly more benign kiss.

THEIR

LOVE

IS

LEGENDARY

Very frivolous with your regeneration energy, River. The fact that this basically makes her mortal makes me a bit sad, because we won’t be seeing Time Lady River. Neither will the Doctor. Finally another Time Lord, and yet she can’t live with him, either. Cue the angst!

Okay.

Speaking of the angst, that, gape, and make funny jokes was basically all the Doctor did this episode. Oh, and dying. But, as ever, he did it wonderfully. A scene-by-scene breakdown of all the brilliant things he did would take about 45 minutes, so I’ll just do a few:

The very Sherlock-esque scene with the banana-gun switch was shot beautifully, and their looks to each other both say “You’re a very impressive arch-enemy, but I’m cleverer” and “Oh, we’re totally in love.”

(I really shouldn't find this funny, but I do.)

*Ahem*…

You will be fine for 31 minutes; you will be dead in 32 minutes.

Even though the “cameos” by previous companions were rubbish in this scene,(GUILT! MORE GUILT!) Amelia-the-hologram was hilarious. Doccy was angsting away (making unintentionally hilarious faces as he did it), and there she was, being her practical little hologram self. I sort of love the way the show made fun of itself there.

You have angered the Scottish, however, Moffat. I thought you were on the Scottish Agenda!

And suddenly… Mood Whiplash!

Even though we've seen the dying Doctor quite enough before, this was quite powerfully angsty - the image of the Oncoming Storm having to crawl.

What an angst muffin.

Oh Doccy, you're so angsty...

However, his slow smile caused by “fish fingers and custard” is heartwarming indeed and quite a sight to behold.

(Incidentally, my mom thinks that 'fish fingers and custard' was sort of a hallucination on the Doctor's part because we never had any concrete evidence that the hologram said it. And why would she? After all, she is not Amelia Pond.)

His re-appearance in the new top hat and niiiice suit and sonic cane is epic, to say the least. I mean, the Doctor saying “Doctor who?” has got to be some kind of magic.

Stumbling around like a giraffe with the sonic cane is hilarious, but of course it quickly grows somber. The Doctor’s Rules are quite funny and they also happen to be easily applicable to everyday life.

Never knowingly. Never knowingly be serious — Rule 27.

Not a rule that you necessarily follow, Doccy, but very good.

It's not a smile anymore, Eleven. It's an odd contortion of your face into an unnatural position.

And there you are, Eleven, there you are, forever perched at your scanner, worrying about one thing or another. Also, you cannot fake a smile.

Amy is pleased. Rory's like "Oh God, my wife still falls for this crap."

The Ponds had a pretty darn small role in this. Sure, Amy hugged the Doctor, and ran away from robot jellyfish, and did some grieving for him, but nothing else.

Same for Rory. Sure, he punched Hitler and shoved him in a cupboard, was possibly the Master, wasn’t gay, rode a motorcycle, tried not to see the entire experience as a metaphor, and above all, didn’t die (it was the Doctor’s turn instead), but… well, actually, those are pretty cool things to do.

I'll have bragging rights for years because of this! Yeah, Doctor, I know you're a Time Lord and all, but I punched Hitler. Ever done that?

Quite lastly:

Dear Sir: A – for effort, F for execution.

Overall, “Let’s Kill Hitler” is a brilliant episode. Sure, it’s flawed, just like every script. I would have liked it with a bit less dying. The evil jellyfish robots were rubbish. But it’s a fun River-licious affair, every Doctor/River shipper’s dream, and plus there is quite possibly more of the gold regeneration effect than in any other episode. And Rory punches Hitler!

What's not to like about that?

On to next week, then, creepy-as-hell dolls and a little boy menaced by them, all written by Moffat’s BFF, Mark Gatiss. And hopefully there’s less dying this time.

Eleven certainly hopes so.

So enjoy!

To quote her, "Hi there!"

The chatbot named A.L.I.C.E. (Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity) is awesome firstly because you can have a semi-coherent conversation with her (here) and she doesn’t contain inappropriate material (*AHEM*). But she’s also awesome because you can have a semi-coherent conversation with her in character. Sometimes you can even glean interesting observations into the world of your fandom from her. Being the Doctor Who fanatic I am, I chatted with her as the Doctor, and it worked. So well. Have a few examples!

A friendship that would last a lifetime... okay, not really. But it could totally work.

It doesn't work as well when I try the Ninth Doctor's opening line on Alice.

Part One of the Pandorica Speech. Inside their spaceships, the Pandorica Alliance were just saying "Charlie Parker. "

Part Two. "Does that make you feel superior?" - a perfect retort to the Doctor.

Part Three of the Pandorica Speech

Part Four. For some reason I don't have "anything to lose"...

Part 5. "Are you very angry?" Another excellent question from Alice.

Gallifrey with A.L.I.C.E.:

Roses:

The Master:

On NOT being a stalker:

And finally, a little quip:

Farscape first, then. The show is basically about an American Arthur Dent fellow named John Crichton who crash-lands during an experimental flight into a living ship named Moya. (Moya and the TARDIS have quite a few similarities, but I’ll talk about that later.)

Crichty and his girlfriend. With guns.

Moya carries a few passengers as well. We have the second main protagonist, Aeryn Sun, who is an ex-Peacekeeper, a semi-corrupt group of authorities who, though they may keep the peace, they sure as hell don’t do it peacefully. Aeryn is initially very cold and unforgiving towards Crichty (read: she often kicks his butt), but later she warms to him (read: becomes his girlfriend). Crichty is forced to choose his priorities. What is more important to him, a way out or a girlfriend?

Also on the ship are D’Argo (or, as I call him, swordy beardy guy… I’ve never been good with names) and his (blue) girlfriend, Zhaan. D’Argo is rather moody, good with his snazzy sword/gun, and has a dark n’ mysterious past.

Zhaan is pretty darn awesome. She’s psychic, is the only one who actually comforts Crichty early on, also has a dark and mysterious past, and has all kinds of special powers, like painting someone’s “soul painting”. She’s a priest, which can get annoying when she starts preaching (example: episode four, in which she tells us that drugs are bad), but she can also kick butt. I think she’s my favorite character so far, but keep in mind I’ve only watched five episodes.

On to Rygel. The puppet. Everyone hates him, and I agree. Well, I love to hate him, and I think that’s intentional. He eats all the ship’s food. He steals an essential part of the ship to use as a jewel on his scepter. He farts helium. He seems to be the one character who will never change, and I suppose it’s nice to have a constant. Even if that constant is one of the the most annoying, bothersome pests in the known galaxy.

Moya and her Pilot bear quite a few similarities to the TARDIS and hers. Moya has a similar interior to the 9th and 10th Doctors’ TARDIS; amber, aquamarine/green, and some black.

Int. Moya...

...Int. TARDIS.

Something I need to do right about now: Fan-fic about Moya and the TARDIS meeting and bragging about their respective pilots. I love them both.

And now, some semi-lucid commentary about each episode, up to “PK Tech Girl.”

Episode 1 (Premiere):

“Whoa, that’s big.” – John Crichton

Evil dude (Crais) has a goatee and a stiff ponytail, so he must be evil! Also, this charming comment from him shows his character well: “I don’t care about casualties!”

Future Doctor Who plotline, inspired by Crichty and Aeryn’s interactions: River Song beats the Doctor the hell up.

On the soundtrack: OMG, it’s Katherine Jenkins!

Seriously, how did Aeryn and Crichty get out with a FORK?

Things that are important to Mr. Crichton: hot chicks, getting back to earth, cool big things.

Things that are not important to Mr. Crichton: “Science”, fellahs with swords, blue bald chicks.

Crais has an evil black fez!

Episode 2 (Exodus From Genesis):

“It’s kinda minty.” – Another brilliant observation from John.

Crichton is Winnie-the-Pooh… but I doubt there’s anyone in the Hundred Acre Wood who beats the crap out of Pooh.

*BONK* *BONK* *BONK* *BONK* Now that’s how you kill a bug.

Crichty – “OMG she’s not beating the crap out of me, something is terribly wrong!”

CLONEY TIME! You know, last time I saw cloney time it didn’t involve the clone and clonee brawling like this. Just a bit of tortured screaming.

The puppet gets an epic speech.

CLONES OF CRICHTY, AND THEY’RE ALL SO STUDMUFFIN-Y!

“You picked the wrong species to screw around with.” – hell yeah, even though he’s totally wrong.

Episode 3 (Back And Back And Back To The Future):

Oh great, says Crichty, it’s the third episode and I’m already a Time Lord.

eww. eww. eww. eww. eww. eww. eww.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Stop. Talking. Like. That, Anything That Moves lady. Are you Captain Jack? Seriously, stop.

“What’s wrong with Crichton?” (I’m paraphrasing) “He is Crichton.” – Crowning Moment Of Awesomeness

Oh noes, female Captain Jack is trying to seduce my girlfriend!

IT’S GROUNDHOG DAY! Except executed well and with 100% more puppets.

What was a nightmare for the rest of the crew was merely “dinner” for Rygel.

Episode 4 (Throne For A Loss):

Drugs are bad! No, yeah, but they’re kinda necessary. Also: *preach* *preach* [1 1/2 hours later] Oh, I guess we’re a bit preachy. Sorry about that.

Episode 5 (PK Tech Girl):

PK Tech Girl == Rory’s girlfriend from The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People. I  wonder if she’ll get killed, cloned, or mutated into a giant thingie?

“I try to save a life a day.” What lofty goals you have, Crichty!

Hot Peacekeeper vs. Tepid Peacekeeper… this is a tricky one.

So, a few little artsy Who-y things? Indeed.

UPDATE 6/20/11! Under the cut.

Spoilers!

Firstly, Rory Williams. He’s become brilliant, through all the dying. And to steal something from Rory Williams is the New Chuck Norris,

“Death once had a near-Rory experience.”

Dark!Eleven! Yay.

It is, you know.

A mystery for you…

And, yes, that is our entire eighth grade class. I go to a small school.

So, yeah, I just graduated from 8th grade, even though I’m in 7th. Technically. It’s complicated.

But the feat of the night has to be that I GOT THE GUYS TO WEAR BOW TIES! I mean, middle school boys, the most informal people in the universe, right? But they recognised that bow ties are cool. Forever.

Meet Dominic, who is rocking a bowtie. Oh, and me too.

You know, the true wisdom of the 11th Doctor is enigmatic and elusive at first, but now everyone understands… it takes an earthshaking event like this to know that these words are eternally true:

Amy: “Bowtie! Get rid!”

The Doctor: “Bowties. Are. Cool.”

From “The Lodger”. It made an impression on Craig, and it made an impression on these young boys. Oh, it feels good to change people’s lives for the better.

Ohhh, and also, my AWESOME drama teacher wore a fez!!! (My parents bought it for her, it was all very secret… but a total surprise to me.)

And…

INSERT CURSE WORD HERE.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow…

[Something that makes me happy: http://crumpets-with-jam.tumblr.com/post/6462019082 Nintendo "I Am The Doctor."]

Don’t worry, countrymen, nothing bad is going to happen to any of the protagonists in this episode, or any episode following it, because, well… maybe something bad is going to happen to them, but we won’t see it, because from now on, this show is about THE ADVENTURES OF THE MOST AWESOME SONTARAN-TURNED NURSE EVER! Joining the cast will be the Silurian detective who eats people, along with her girlfriend,

Hell yeah, but since when do Silurians eat people?

and the old, fat, blue guy.

Hilarity ensues! Only problem is, we’re not sure what to call it. (We’re thinking about War Nurse.) But rest assured, fellahs, you will never have to see any more of the bothersome woes of the fellow they call the Doctor or his tiresome friends. Ever. Trust me on this.

Okay, I was lying. We will see lots and lots of bothersome woes. Beginning with this one…

Meet Melody Pond.

OMG AMY HAS A BABY + EYEPATCH LADY IS THERE + RORY IS DULY AWESOME + DOCCY IS ENJOYING BLOWING THINGS UP + RIVER IS REVEALED TO BE SOMEONE OBVIOUS AND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

I love it when my mom is right. And when I’m right. We were right on two counts – she guessed River was Amy’s daughter as soon as “Astronaut” aired and I guessed that River had a time head (and that’s why Doccy was attracted to her). It’s all very quite OMG, there are so very many possibilities, the fans are squeeing away, the big question of S6 has finally been answered. (Well, sorta.)

I am ridiculously happy.

But it’s also brilliant because blimey, THAT WAS A FANTASTIC EPISODE! All the characters had many, many brilliant moments, the best incidental characters ever were introduced (the Sontaran is BETTER AT LACTATING THAN YOU), it was creepy and funny and only honestly had a few missteps. Plus, the Headless Monks – I love answering rhetorical questions, so that was an awesome scene for me. Unintentionally hilarious.

So what do you think the Headless Monks have sacrificed for their faith?

Dunno, their toes?

You fellows are thick, aren't you?

Firstly, who the hell is Lorna Bucket? Moffat’s name symbolism makes it all seriously weird, and her name is already weird (Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, anyone?). A bucket holds water. Ahem.

Don't mind me.

Plus, the fact that her backstory is like dark!Amy or something – she met the Doctor for 30 seconds and ran a lot, he shaped her life but in a negative way – she joined the army to meet him. In her world, the Doctor is a dark mythic being – “Doctor” means “warrior” in her language. For Amy, he’s a fairytale – the “nice” version of a myth.

Whoa, parallels!

Their meeting the Doctor has consequences for both of them – Amy loses her baby, Lorna dies. But Lorna’s consequences are harsher because, I suppose, Doccy has become more evil. Seriously, he was like a playground bully in this episode! But more on that later. Still on her, she’s due to meet him later, we suppose – that or he has forgotten people, something that would make that scene even more unnerving.

"I never forget anyone." - This scene. I couldn't quite wibble because Ms. Bucket is waaaaay too much of an enigma for me to mourn her, but it was creepy. Something just didn't seem right, like we finally understand the creepy undercurrent behind Doccy's intergalactic fan club. Does he lie like this every time?

"They're always brave." THIS! SCENE!

The opening sequence – it felt like RTD’s old finale episodes, where he brought everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, back for one last runaround. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It introduced some EPIC characters – BEST SONTARAN EVER, okay?

Oh, and it was also pretty.

Rory got to be insanely epic.

"Where. Is. My. Wife?"

It set the tone for Doccy’s growing dark ‘n evilness when he blew up the Cyber-fleet just to make a point. And it showed the insane amount of Star Wars-y spectacle that the episode was going to keep for its remaining duration.

I'm all for subtlety, but you know what I also like? Explosions. FOOOOSH! KA-BOOM! Now that's satisfying in a way oblique political commentary will never be.

The introduction to Mr. Blue [ba da dee ba ba die] (he has a name, but er, there are too many puns I can make) was effective in creeping me the hell out, but who doesn’t love ancient prophesies and looming silhouettes? They’re trite, but effective.

Mr. Blue, you'll get it right, but soon comes Mr. Night...

River! The most adorable dance ever, well, she and Eleven may just be tied.

And she had the best birthday… (that should have tipped us off to begin with, hmm?) But yeah, she and her dad, just bonding. Aww. She’s so happy it’s almost obscene, with what’s going to happen next.

Oh, hi Dad! Look, I just had an AWESOME birthday!! *grin*

Then, naturally, she realizes and hides behind the bars, like “oh look, it’s time to be creepy”.

Higher than ever before...

(Oh, and Rory, nice sword.)

Thank you, but it makes hugs difficult.

On the topic of hugs: there have been A LOT of hugs in S6. At least three in this episode alone. I wonder if they realized the subject material was going into a decidedly not warm and fuzzy place and shoehorned in a lot of hugs. Examples:

No. Seriously, no. Rory cannot be the third wheel AFTER HE'S BECOME A FATHER. (Adorable hug, though).

So yeah. Ooh, let’s talk about Eyepatch Lady! She’s intriguing, that’s for sure, but who is she? Important, cruel, knowing, but, just like the Pandorica Alliance, she’s on the “good” side. Saving the universe, or at least its future inhabitants, from the Doctor. The Pandorica Alliance didn’t exactly convince me that the universe had to be saved, but judging by the way the Doctor has already started to tear everything apart to save “Melody”, this time I wonder.

Mwa ha ha... or not?

Her plan doesn’t make any sense, though. Take Amy’s baby for some reason… that’ll make the Doctor really mad and he’ll start waging war against us … then we’ll make the baby into a weapon to save ourselves. If she didn’t take Amy’s baby, none of this would have happened. And sure, Melody was going to be used as a weapon, that was her purpose… but they only knew Time Lords were weapons because the Doctor attacked and was all evil and stuffs.  Sooooo… we don’t know why this lady wanted a Time Lord to begin with. We have a hell of a lot of questions, as usual. (We still don’t know why those odd alien fellows decided to blow up the TARDIS. Moffat isn’t exactly one for answers.)

That was new, hmm: not only did Time Lords stare into the Untempered Schism as a sort of initiation, it made them Time Lords. Over a long period of time, of course. But apparently now if you’re preggers in the TARDIS, you’ve got yourself a (part) Time Lord. Let’s hope there have never been any secretly pregnant companions…

Indeed.

Of Doctors and darkness: let’s talk about dark!Eleven. He blew up a whole lot of Cybermen pointlessly, he gleefully shot down some spaceships belonging to the religious army (with the help of space spitfires), he ruined a Colonel’s life and enjoyed it. Ooh. The evidence ain’t looking good, Eleven. Let’s have a slideshow, shall we?

Fig. 1: "Would you like me to repeat the question?"

Fig. 2: I'm paraphrasing, but... 'Boom! Bang! Fantastic! Brilliant! Things are exploding, to turn a phrase from my friend Craig, "People are dying up there!"'

Fig. 3: "I want people to call you "Colonel Run Away." I want children laughing outside your door because they've found the house of Colonel Run Away." And he grins.

Then again, hey, give him credit, he realizes it at the last moment.

"Me."

Yup, Doccy, you’re a weapon all right! And just to ram home the point, we call on River Song. River, the epic speech says it all, I think. But I’m going to add pictures too.

You fail at life forever, my love.

The Doctor: You think I wanted this? I didn’t do this! This…this wasn’t me!

River Song: This was exactly you. All this, all of it. You make them so afraid. When you began, all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you’d become this? The man who can turn an army around at the mention of his name? Doctor – the word for healer and wise man, throughout the universe. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean? To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word ‘doctor’ means ‘mighty warrior’. How far you’ve come. And now they’ve taken a child. The child of your best friends. And they’re going to turn her into a weapon, just to bring you down. And all this, my love…in fear of you.

Um… there isn’t a nicer way I can say this, so…

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN, Doctor. Burn.

Ouch.

But don’t worry, Doctor. You were not evil the whole time. You were clumsy and good with kids and adorable and mysterious. Going from looking like an older brother with his sibling or a young uncle with his niece right to being a battle-worn survivor again… it was odd. It was very you. So let’s have another picspam, shall we?

I speak for all the characters when I say this: BEST. SCENE. EVER.

"I speak baby." "I do too."

"big milk thing"

And suddenly…

*poof* I'm a warrior. I'm a survivor. I am the Oncoming Storm.

Uh, you just went all "OMG " over a baby.

His appearance as the Headless Monk: brilliant, but he seemed to be having such a laugh that it was scary. Again.

Oh, hello there, I'm sorry if I interrupted you... NOT!

Point a gun at me if it helps you calm down.

Okay.

I can practically hear the evil laugh from the picture. "This is all so hilarious! You fail at life, and that makes me so very happy!"

He had his angsty, self-pitying moments:

For once, it is all your fault!

He had his shouty moments (three. you know it’s an epic episode when you have three separate shouty moments):

This is odd, I'm so angry I can't shout! Which is impossible, because I can always shout!

IT IS JUST THAT KIND OF EPPIE!!!!

But he also had adorable moments. When he realized what goes on inside the TARDIS…

Well, the last time they were together was their w-

And when he realized who River was…

Heh, smoochy smoochy time. Best mime ever. He's kissed Amy and her daughter... AAAAWKWARD!

…It was the episode of evilness and sinister plans but it was also the episode of hilarity. Moffat is indeed the master of mood whiplash.

Epic.

Rory became absolutely epic. And you know, he’s still the Doctor’s concience. And Amy’s. And his daughter’s.

Um, wifey, bad idea.

He had a beautiful moment with River…

OooOOooh, two Doctors, now wouldn't I love that.

That is disgusting.

Exactly, Dad!

And then another one with her…

"I was gonna be cool."

"Crying over a baby: totally cool."

And he hasn’t even died yet! It’s amazing.

Parenting fail.

Amy, you were a good mother… well, until you started pointing a gun at your daughter, but it’s not really your fault… you never know who’s your daughter in this timey-wimey world. And there’s a slim chance she could have expected that her daughter was the one who was flirting with her imaginary friend.

Yeah, how could I possibly guess that?

Oh, and -

Epic toothbrush.

River, or should I say, Melody, was awesome as ever, all flirty and happy and “let’s ditch the parents”, but also sad and melancholy about what will happen for a reason that’s as yet unknown. Basically, she’s brilliant, but you already knew that, and this episode doesn’t change that.

Nope.

Oh, and one more thing:

TIMEY WIMEY CRIBBY WIBBY!

Regardless of whose crib it is, that is an AWESOME crib. It has little stars and little planets and Gallifreyan writing!

They're all jagged and adorable!

So to next episode, next fall, eh? As the closing titles said:

Indeed.

Not so indeed.

Allons-y!

The Doctor's gone identity mad.

Yay! Clooooooney time! And what a nice time it was, eh? I squeed (oh, Doctor, you met your best friend ever), I wibbled a bit (cloney Scottish fellow and his kid – aww, for lack of a better word), oh yeah, and my jaw dropped (spoilers).

Rory becomes evil, after the jump! (Okay, not really. But his girlfriend is evil!)

Before the review, a quick picspam, which will nicely introduce this little cloney story:

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Meh.

But don't you get it? War is brilliant!

Nah, war gives me a headache.

But...

I learned from my role model.

Who's your role model?

Well, if you really want to know...

I have a crush on the Doctor.

But he's such an idiot! He stuck his hand in the Flesh! He got electrocuted! He tried to convince us war wasn't awesome!

That's why I have a crush on him.

Sooooo! The biggest thing at hand is obviously the Pond, her mystery of mysteriousness, and Eyepatch Lady. But I’ve seen “A Good Man Goes To War” (Review forthcoming, I don’t even, [incoherent noises]), so I’m a bit less surprised by it all. I’m sure the BIG REVEAL was jaw-dropping for those who saw it last week, but I got to watch the conclusion immediately after, so my jaw didn’t drop quite as much. STILL, more on that big huge thing that’s staring us right in the face later, and now…

I try to be like Grace Kelly, but all my looks are too sad.

On to the double eleven squee! I love how this was handled not just because it’s brilliant (THEY. FINISH. EACH. OTHER’S. SENTENCES.) but also because it had the potential to go so, so very wrong. I’m talking to you, Handy/10^2. Yes, in “Journey’s End”, when the Doctor was cloned before, I didn’t exactly enjoy it. Mostly because of the random “Oooh, let’s give Rose Tyler a birthday present: a “Doctor”!” and the fact that she doesn’t seem to enjoy it at all, but also because there’s none of what should happen (in my opinion) with two Doctors: them making fun of each other, making jokes about each other, and overall being the best BFFs ever. So I was incredibly pleased here.

The best friends in the universe. And yes, of course clone!doc had to die, but hey – he died with his (sorta) girlfriend.

River would be pissed... as would the TARDIS... it's a good thing this is clone me.

Also – it’s the clone eppie, so naturally, they did some social commentary. Never has “we switched shoes” meant so much.

But you're not really the Doctor, are you?

Odd implications here – she’s not really Amy Pond either, is she? It’s a clone who’s prejudiced against clones, which is weird.

"Call me John Smith."

Actually, the Doctor’s little experiment with prejudice is quite interesting. He’s the sort of bloke who would do this, definitely, but it’s interesting how surprised he is by it all. He loves Earth so much, you would think he would know all about it… but apparently not.

Then, of course, there’s his shouty time. His little “cloney” hissy fit. It’s a little creepy that the Doctor has the capacity to do that, and for no real reason at all except… what, exactly? To test Amy on her prejudice-meter? ‘Cos he needs his shouty time? If he was trying to get Amy to understand the plight of the clones, he could have told her in a more lucid way, something other than, well…

YOU! DON'T! GET! IT!

Rory’s girlfriend, then. Rory’s girlfriend became rather evil for no apparent reason,

got Rory to join the cloney rights movement with this,

Somebody watched "Love and Monsters" too many times, eh?

and finally turned into, er, this.

Somebody watched "The Lazarus Experiment" way too many times. And then added hair.

So yeah, pretty much, that is the sad fate of Rory’s girlfriend. They were not very adorable in this episode, due to her mutating into a giant… thingie and Rory running away from her pretty much the whole time. (( (Don’t worry, Rory, you’ll get your redemption next episode)

Other than Rory’s girlfriend, the plot was pretty darn predictable – various people die, Rory’s girlfriend becomes evil, warrior!cloney woman with a medical condition decides to become nice (I still think it’s for her little crush), everyone (begrudgingly) joins the cloney rights movement, there’s a little heroic sacrifice for clone!doccy and his little girlfriend, and finally there’s a happy ending where the evil military company of evil is thwarted! Well, it’s supposed to be thwarted, anyways… the pessimists can still say that they failed.

Still on the topic of plot, my mom was wrong here – she thought that it was all twisty and philosophical, that everyone in the evil military corp. of evil was a clone and that the originals were long since dead. Interesting, but unfortunately false. It was deviously simple.

Due to awesome cloney time, 11 got many more elevenish moments than last episode. And thus this episode was better than “The Rebel Flesh”! It’s just that simple. He was less creepy and Seven-ish, which I didn’t miss, and more “OMG YAYYY IT’S MY CLONEY FRIEND I REJOICE IN CLONEYNESS!”

Not that I mind a creepy Eleven, but I can’t take much. There has to be enough of the gleeful Eleven, still amazed at the universe around him. (Um, unless the creepy Eleven is on purpose, as it is next episode…)

His barrel scene was interesting, and the way he reacted (straighten my bow tie, gather my remaining drips of dignity, have a stare-down with myself) was frankly kind of brilliant.

OMG I DON'T LIKE PREJUDICE.

As previously mentioned, he had to have his shouty scene, and it was freaky and pretty shocking at first view, but nonsensical at best later. He gets passionate about these things, Eleven.

No one can ignore a wall full of eyeballs like you, Eleven! I suppose you take pride in that.

Something that was pretty cool; the Doctor finally gets to be a doctor, diagnosing his cloney girlfriend and then providing the magical cure.

(Plus? Red balloon FTW.)

I enjoyed clone!Eleven’s heroic sacrifice, actually. Pretty brilliant, or at least done in one of the best ways possible. Clone!Doctor and his clone!girlfriend, going down together.

Oh, and, thanks to the shoe switch, Eleven now knows how he’s gonna die. Thanks, Amy! Now he can make those invitations!

I suppose I'll be going down to the printing store, then. Buying some fine timey-winey, getting out my old picnic blanket, maybe I'll try to get a telegram inside the Time Lock to tell 'em they can celebrate, 'cos the splendid fellow who got them into this is going to die...

Rory, then? Rory did an awful lot of running and had precious little girlfriend time. Eleven got a moment to shine and suddenly Rory loses his girlfriend! Hmmph. However, there was one scene…

Hi Rory...

OMG, two girlfriends! I have two girlfriends ... and a wife.

Choose between us, Rory.

Well, they always say two is better than one...

Then again, later, poor Rory… he went from having two girlfriends and a wife to…

So much for that one.

And that one.

And, well, just forget that one, Rory.

No girlfriends.

And no wife.

Er, um, this is awkward…look on the bright side, Rory!

What bright side?

You’re not dead!!!!

Fan-freaking-tastic.

The Pond! Prejudiced Pond, impersonated Pond, pregnant Pond.

I don't like clones.

You ARE a clone.

Aww crap, yeah, I suppose I am.

Things currently suck for the Pond, but I’m not sure there’s anyone on the crew for whom things don’t currently suck. So, there’s that.

Hi eyepatch lady. I'm asking seriously, are you the Rani? 'Cos that would be kinda awesome.

Next episode: Mysteries are not resolved. Well, except one. But no sneak previews… well, except this one:

“Demons run when a good man goes to war.

Night will fall and drown the sun, when a good man goes to war.

Friendship dies and true love lies, night will fall and the dark will rise, when a good man goes to war.

Demons run, but count the cost. The battle’s won, but the child is lost.”

Victoria had a secret, a royal secret – Albert wasn’t right in the head…

Oh my dear giddy aunt. Holmes And Watson Save The Empire, a Oregon Cabaret production, (book and lyrics by Jahnna Beecham and Malcolm Hillgartner, music by Malcolm Hillgartner) might be one of the most brilliant Holmsian plays, books, or what-have-you I’ve seen in a long, long time. Now, sure, a musical of this dynamic duo may sound rather silly … and silly is what it is, that is true, but blimey, it still packs a lot of emotional and intellectual punch.

Its silly parts alone are quite amusing and brilliant. The running joke – Holmes is looking for something, can’t find it, “Watson, did you move the ___?” “No, I didn’t touch it.” “You must have, I can’t find it!” “I didn’t!” “You di-” [silence] “Oh, here it is!” – is pretty good in itself, but it’s not just a running joke for the sake of having a running joke – it shows that “The Connoisseur of Crime”, as he calls himself here is, as ever, not perfect at all. [Steven Moffat did something similar with his Sherlock and the “we're out of milk” running joke.] The costumes – some of the best parts of the gags – are a girl (or boy) playing dress-up’s perfect dream. The disguises for Holmes include his “Mortimer Chips” look (a classic cabaret raunchy joke man; curly red wig, outrageously flamboyant suit, and a nice flower just to top it all off), the “Hookah” look (FEZZES ARE COOL, and a very stylish one too; he’s Holmes, he even does drugs with style), and the “Queen Victoria” look (It’s better than it sounds. Well, only a little bit… extra legs, that’s all I’m gonna say). Oh, and naturally, they got Watson in a dress. Good old reliable Watson, he just had a little trouble with the zipper. (He’s really not the sort of guy you see and think “Yeah, a dress would be a great idea on him!”)

No, no he isn't.

AAAANYWAYS, the bromance was cranked up higher than 11 here, muuuch, muuuch higher. Look, even the Director’s Notes include the word bromance in them. (“Our current film industry has coined a new word, and even though it refers to the current crop of movies depicting American males as eternal adolescents who fear commitment, tell “hooter jokes”, and smoke far too much weed, it’s a great word – and it certainly applies to “Holmes And Watson”: It is a ‘bro-mance’.” – Director Michael J. Hume) Think about it like this; They. Danced. The. Tango. OH YEAH. (I added this to my list of most adorable things in the universe). And at the end, there was a hug… aww, wibble. One true friend indeed.

And besides the bromance, well… it was just one song, but it was amazing. I’ve never been a Sherlock/Irene Adler shipper, but I suppose “Into My Arms, A Dream Comes” just about changed that! Brrr. About what he’s given up for the life of intellectual stimulation [hint: Irene], (well, until Watson comes in, harping on about his Mary. I can’t ship them at all, though, because Mary isn’t really a character, just something that pushes Watson in and out of Holmes’ life. I don’t even know her last name!) the song was ever so slightly unexpected after the fun that was “The Science Of Deduction” and the funny little scene that set up the mystery.

Just BAM, and suddenly we have a large plate of angst, surprising but sublime. A note: I could see slight, brilliant touches of the Eleventh Doctor in this Holmes, such as his slight embarrassment over affairs of the heart. In a very Eleven-ish way, it was adorable how he completed the obvious rhyme with ‘miss’, breaking the song and saying it quietly, nearly reddening like a schoolboy. (Actually, as a rule, I loved how he emphasized certain words by saying them. The other time it happened was the end of “One True Friend”, he sang “One true … friend,” like he just discovered that, well, HE’S MY FRIEND, MY ONLY FRIEND, I HAVE A BEST FRIEND, I JUST GOT THAT!) Then, BAM, we’re back to the mystery, what ho old chap, right sticky wicket we’ve gotten ourselves into this time. Never mentioned again. But it was very chilling stuff, a great song vocally too, just beautiful. Rather like “The Doctor’s Wife,” it changed what I thought of Holmes, this version of him anyway.

The mystery itself was certainly intriguing, but still had a high dose of humor. The plotline is scandalous – Prince Albert isn’t dead! Instead, he had a nasty carriage ride, got a bump on the head and suffered a few mental problems. Side effects may include enjoying the theatre – and cross-dressing. So Queen Victoria locked ‘im up in a castle – but he got out and sung at various bars as a German woman (since he always had a woman’s singing voice). To keep a tab on him, the Queen pretended to be his manager – a man.

After figuring this out, the duo prevent an assassination attempt, make rather a mess in the study (MRS. HUUUUDSON?), meet Mortiary (a rubbish, Watson-ish Mortiary – well, it is a two-man show), have a few ridiculously quick costume changes (again, a two-man show) and get shot in the foot. Well, just Watson for that one. Holmes has one last good angst to go with a nice little fake death for Dr. John. Good angst, rubbish “death”. Violin solo, it’s sweet. So when Watson walks back in with a limp and a bandage, joining in with the song, it’s another adorable moment – Holmes tries to hide it all. It doesn’t work. Hug time!

The casting of Holmes And Watson is quite strong as well; I like this Sherlock quite a bit, played by Robin Downward, with his overdramatic nature, his (much more than others) obviously caring nature, his penchant for disguises, more than ever, and all the other usual things that make up a good Holmes. Naturally, his Holmes was very, very different from Moffat’s Sherlock, who is uncaring, (seemingly) emotionally unattached, and, in sum, just an utter jerk. This Holmes, in contrast, seems a splendid fellow, passionate about basically everything.  (Also, BLACKBOARD FOR THE WIN.)

Watson was good too, played by Jason Marks, although (as my mom said) played a bit too extra-gay. Flamboyantly so. It wasn’t my favorite portrayal of him, but the bromance was still solidly adorable.

The set was also brilliant, as it felt lived-in and even had a few little nods to the book series, such as the bullet holes spelling “V. R.”

Finally, the violin player as Mrs. Hudson was one last awesome thing that showed the theater’s attention to detail. She had approximately one line, but it was worth it. Her violin playing also added a lot, as did the piano. It sounded like a full band back there!

In conclusion,  Holmes And Watson Save The Empire is a rather brilliant musical, and in the hands of the Oregon Cabaret a truly fantastic one. Sadly, its run at the Oregon Cabaret is over today, so I can only say that if you ever see it at another theatre, give it a try. It’ll likely be deliriously fun and certainly silly, but I suppose it all depends on the actors.